ANXIETY THERAPY FOR GAY MEN ᐧ SAN FRANCISCOYou’re gay, you’re good at your job, and your brain won’t shut up.
Anxiety therapy for gay men in San Francisco and across California, with a Queer therapist who's been in the spiral himself.
Aaron Martin, LMFT · Video sessions · California
You're in the right place if…
You've tried running, meditating, mindfulness, maybe even a round of CBT, and your brain still finds something to chew on at 2am.
You're accomplished enough that you feel like you should have this figured out by now.
You've noticed you're drinking a little more to take the edge off, or picking fights with your partner and not sure why.
You moved to San Francisco for the community and somehow feel lonelier than before.
You've had a therapist before, and spent half of every session explaining what the apps are, what ENM is, or that gender and sexuality aren't the same thing.
You're exhausted, and your first instinct is still to do more.
Queer people get very good at carrying heavy things quietly. You don't have to do that here. Therapy is where you set the backpack down long enough to look at what's in it.
We can't fix feelings. We can change what you do with them.
You don't need more to do. Here's what actually happens in therapy with me:
We slow it down.
I'll probably pause you mid-sentence, because your brain is moving fast. Then I'll ask what you're feeling, not what you're thinking. Most anxious people have never been asked the difference.
We treat feelings as data, not facts.
Anxiety is usually trying to tell you something. We figure out what, where the harsh voice came from (sometimes it kept you safe in the closet), and which of those stories are yours versus inherited.
We change the pattern.
A thought is just a thought. Once you can see how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors feed each other, you get to pick what you want more of and less of. That's the whole point of CBT.
Hey, I'm Aaron.
I'm a Queer, mixed-race therapist, and I'm a worrier. It runs in my family. They immigrated to the US and hustled hard, and their worry kept them alive. Mine kept telling me I needed to do more to be safe. In grad school it got so loud I worried my friends were getting tired of hearing about my spirals.
When I finally looked for a therapist, I couldn't find one I clicked with. I felt like I couldn't talk about being biracial or being Queer without wondering if they'd understand. I do this work so you don't have to wonder.
Clients are usually surprised by how much we laugh. I'm animated, my face tells you everything I'm thinking, and I'll get your pop culture references. I'm warm when you need it. I'm also going to say the hard thing when you're getting in your own way.
LMFT #133857 · MS Counseling, San Francisco State (2019) · Formerly Lyra Health, Strut (San Francisco AIDS Foundation), SF Unified School District · Taught couples & family therapy at SF State
How it works
Book a free 20-minute call.
I'll ask you two things: why now, and what you'd want to be different eight months from today. By the end we'll both know if this is a fit. If it isn't, I'll tell you.
Paperwork, then your first session.
About 30 minutes of intake forms, and we're usually meeting within a week and a half of that first call.
Weekly sessions on video, anywhere in California.
Most people work with me for five to seven months. By then you're catching your own spirals early, and what you learned shows up in other parts of your life too.
What I help with
Anxiety therapy for gay men
For the worry that's running your relationship, your work, or your 2am. Learn to catch the spiral earlier and do something different with it.
Queer therapy in San Francisco
For gay men, and for the trans, queer, and nonbinary folks who make up a good chunk of my practice. Therapy where you never have to explain ENM, the apps, or that you're still bi when you're dating someone straight.
Individual therapy
Never done this before, or burned by it last time? Here's what the first call, the first session, and the paperwork actually look like.
Sessions are by video across California. I'm in-network with Aetna and UnitedHealthcare/Optum, and I offer a sliding scale starting at $150. Details on the Services page.
What clients say
"Aaron has a remarkable ability to balance holding space for me and being on my team, but also challenging me in the ways I needed to be challenged."
"Aaron helped me through multiple challenging transitions in my life that were simultaneously occurring and compounding my anxieties. I developed strategies and a mindset to better cope with all of it."
As seen inLos Angeles Times
Pride.com
SF AIDS Foundation
Thrizer
Care Solace
What's different a few months in
You notice you're jealous, and you tell your partner instead of picking a fight. You notice you're anxious, and you decide whether you want the drink or the gummy, instead of it deciding for you. You catch your yellow flags before the spiral, not after. You stop treating every thought like it's true. You still have anxiety, you've just stopped organizing your life around it.
And you've got your time back. The hours you used to spend spinning, you spend living.
You don't need to have it figured out before you call.
Book a free 20-minute call and tell me what's been going on. I'll tell you how I'd work with it, and by the end we'll both know if this is a fit. If it isn't, I'll tell you.
