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About · Aaron Martin, LMFT

I’m Aaron, a Queer therapist in San Francisco.

My Instagram bio says “an anxious Queer therapist helping other anxious Queers,” and that covers most of it. This page is the longer version, for people who like to know who they’re talking to before they book a call.

I’m a mixed-race, Queer LMFT, and I work with gay men and with trans, queer, and nonbinary folks on video anywhere in California, mostly on anxiety.

Aaron Martin, LMFT · Video sessions · California

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Sessions are on video, so this is the closest thing to a first impression. Sound on, or read the captions.

Why I do this

I come from a family of worriers. My family immigrated to the US and hustled hard, and their worry is part of what kept them alive. I inherited it, and for a long time it told me that if I just did a little more, I’d finally be safe.

By grad school the worry was loud enough that my stomach hurt most days and my mind moved too fast to slow down, and I’d started to worry that my friends were tired of hearing about my spirals. When I finally got myself into therapy, we didn’t click. I felt like I couldn’t bring up the things that made me me, being biracial, being Queer, without wondering whether they’d understand.

I’ve heard versions of that from a lot of clients since. The most common thing people tell me is how relieved they are not to have to explain being Queer to their therapist, usually followed by some version of “my last therapist was great, but they just didn’t get it.” So I work with Queer folks as my way of giving back to a community that’s given me so much, and mostly with anxious Queer folks, because I know that particular spiral from the inside: the pit in your stomach when your anxiety has convinced you of something that might not be true, the hours spent spinning instead of living.

What my own anxiety taught me

My worry still tells me I’m not working hard enough and that I need to do more. What’s helped isn’t beating it. It’s learning to live with some ambiguity, admitting I can’t control everything, and getting clear about what I can. These days when the worry shows up, I try to pause, take stock of how hard I’ve actually been working, and thank it for trying to warn me about something.

That’s the heart of what I teach, because it’s what saved me. Emotions are trying to tell us something, and learning to slow down and read that information changed my life. The goal was never to get rid of anxiety. It was to ride the wave of it and soften the language we use about ourselves, and that’s what we’ll work on together.

How I got here

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, raised by a single immigrant mother, and a high school counselor once told me college “would not be an option.” I moved to San Francisco at 18 for SF State anyway, studied psychology and race and resistance studies, and stayed for a master’s in counseling. From there the path went public service, then a private company, then my own business.

Public service.

During my master’s I worked with youth in San Francisco public schools and then with college students at SF State’s campus clinic. I’d assumed I would work with kids, and instead I spent more of my time with their parents than with the kids, helping them understand what it meant to have a Queer child. Right out of grad school I joined Strut in the Castro, part of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, working with gay men who wanted to look at their relationship with alcohol. It was the first place I’d ever worked where everyone was Queer.

Private company.

At Lyra Health I saw people for fewer than twelve sessions, a lot of them software engineers and product managers carrying serious pressure. That’s where I got good at a compassionate approach to CBT, where you feel heard first and then we figure out what to change.

My own practice.

Now I see individuals on video across California, mostly gay men and Queer folks with anxiety. Somewhere in there I also went back to SF State to teach couples and family therapy to the next generation of therapists, which felt strange in a good way, and which I’d love to do again when I retire.

What I’m like in the room

People are usually surprised by how much we laugh. I love a good cackle before we get into whatever was just said, I’ll catch your pop culture references, and I’m animated enough that my face will tell you what I’m thinking before I do. I’m warm and soft when you need that, up to and including the metaphoric hug, and I’ll give you the gentle challenge when you’re getting in your own way.

My training is psychodynamic and relational, which in plain terms means I’m good at building a relationship quickly; clients tell me that by session two they’re saying things they held back from their last therapist. Once that’s there, I bring in CBT, and we look at how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors feed each other and decide what you want more of and less of. You’re the expert in your own life, and we work toward the goals you set.

Over the years I’ve developed an internal alarm for shame, and when it goes off I slow down. I’ll ask about your sex life openly, and then we’ll talk about what it was like to say all that out loud without shame or judgment coming back at you. Being Queer taught me that more than one thing can be true at once, and I bring that to every part of the work.

“I think of being Queer as my superpower. The thing that used to bring me shame and guilt now helps me connect more deeply with others around me.”

From my interview with Hey Famm

Outside the office

I’m a runner, and movement is a big part of how I handle my own anxiety. I believe in movement in every form; anything beats sitting all day. I also love going out, to restaurants, concerts, and movies, which means there’s a real chance we’ll cross paths. We’ll talk about that early on and decide together how we’d handle it.

Beyond that, I love reality TV and video games. I sit with people through some of the hardest moments of their lives, and I think finding joy wherever I can is part of the job. For the record, I saw the Spice Girls in Los Angeles in 1998, right after Ginger left. My little gay self was spicing up my life.

Credentials

Aaron Chavez Martin
LMFT #133857 (California)

Teaching
Couples and family therapy, SF State graduate program

As seen in

LOS ANGELES TIMES

Education
Master of Science in Counseling, San Francisco State University (2019)

Sessions
Video, anywhere in California

PRIDE.COM

SF AIDS FOUNDATION

THRIZER

Formerly
Lyra Health · Strut (San Francisco AIDS Foundation) · San Francisco Unified School District · YMCA of San Francisco

Insurance
Aetna · UnitedHealthcare/Optum · Sliding scale starting at $150

CARE SOLACE

HEY FAMM

Questions people ask

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. Despite the name, I see individuals only, not couples or families. My training is psychodynamic and relational, and I use CBT on top of it.
No. Gay men are a little over half my practice, and trans, queer, and nonbinary folks are about a third. I see individuals from ninth grade up. More on working with a Queer therapist →
You book a free 20-minute call. I’ll ask why now, and what you’d want to be different eight months from today. How the first call works →

Ready when you are

If any of this sounded like you, book the 20-minute call. I’ll ask why now and what you’d want to be different eight months from today, and by the end we’ll both know whether this is a fit.